the skill of letting go.

I teach a restorative yoga class on Wednesday evenings. What makes restorative yoga different from most other asana styles, is that in restorative, the key is to relax.

Rather than actively stretching the muscles, in restorative, you make your way into a supportive pose you’re able to find stillness in. Then, once you’re settled, you practice relaxing the body. 

Each and every week I tell my class:
“Relaxing is a skill. It is a practice.” 

I find it important to share this week after week, because somehow we’ve been led to believe that we all should inherently know how to relax. We should just know how to chill out and be still. But I actually find that most of us do not.

Just like strength is a skill, relaxation is a skill.
Most of us cannot simply relax our bodies or minds like the flip of a switch. But, if we approach relaxation through the lens of practice, like a dimmer switch, we can let go of tension and ease into a state of relaxation little by little. The more we practice this, the more that skill becomes strengthened, and the easier we can find our way there.

A student shared a story with me last week that confirmed my repetition of this message was worth it. She’s currently battling cancer and undergoing chemo, and shows up to my restorative class just about every week. As she was gathering her things after class, she said,

“I wanted to tell you…at the end of last year, I had a 45 minute MRI, and almost had a panic attack. It was horrible. But just last week, I had another one…and this time, I just pretended I was in class, and relaxed my body like we do here, and it was totally fine.”

I felt incredibly emotional hearing this news. It made me so happy that she was able to find a sense of inner strength where she didn’t have it before. And it affirmed the truth that I find to be so important: practice works. We can practice letting go of tension, and softening, and trusting that we’ll be supported.

Like with any skill, the more you practice, the better at it you become. 

–

I can’t stop thinking about the parallel between relaxing, and letting go.

When we relax the body, we quite literally let go. We ask our bodies to release whatever tension it’s holding onto for our protection and safety, and instead trust that we will be held.
 

When we relax the mind, we let go of thoughts. We give free rein to our minds, not clinging to this thought or that thought, and instead trust in the spaciousness of the present moment.

Relaxing requires trust. Letting go is a practice of faith. 

Tricia Hersey calls rest a “meticulous love practice.” 

I’m thinking a lot about the practice of letting go, because that’s the practice I’m currently deeply embedded in.

Lately I’ve been trying to let go, of many things…

I’m letting go of the past.

I’m letting go of a future I’d previously dreamt of.

I’m letting go of labels I don’t identify with anymore.

I’m letting go of what I thought was meant for me.

I’m letting go of my comfort zone.

etc, etc…

And let me tell you…this is not easy for me. It’s not natural for me to relinquish control, to release the things I’ve been clinging to so tightly. 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve practiced the opposite: hyper-focusing on a false sense of control in order to feel safe. 

The place I can most clearly see this play out is in my relationship with sleep. 

Since I was very little, falling asleep has been a struggle. It may sound silly to some, but for me the idea of letting go of my consciousness into the dreamworld, where I had no semblance of control, was terrifying to me. I’d keep myself awake for hours on end until I eventually crashed, rather than just closing my eyes and relaxing into rest. 

It wasn’t until I’d practiced yoga for a few years, and learned how to relax my body and mind, that I was able to fall asleep when I wanted to. I became more able to relinquish control and trust that I was safe to let go. That it was actually good for me to do so.

–

I believe in the efficacy of practice.
I’ve seen it in myself: the changes that have slowly but surely occurred in my life over time.
I’ve seen it in students, like the one who shared that story with me last week.

I think in our culture, we understand that practicing difficult exercise, work ethic, and hard skills is valuable, and provides positive results. But I don’t think we understand just how much relaxing, rest, and the art of letting go, are also skills that require consistent practice and devotion, with results that change our lives for the better. 

In my current journey of letting go of so much, of allowing my ego to be rearranged and my soul to be realigned, I’m reminding myself that this too is a skill. I’m not gonna see change in my life from one meditation. I’m not gonna see results from simply realizing what needs to change. 

Change (and growth) will come from the choice to show up to this practice over and over again. It will come from showing up in my life through the lens of what I’m practicing. 

With a devotion to faith, that whatever it is I’m letting go into, will hold and support me. 

–

I’ll end with this story:

Years ago, I was sitting across an elderly woman who was reading my tarot. 

I was at a crossroads in life; a “should I stay or should I go” situation. I knew in my gut that the answer was, to go. But I was so afraid of the unknown that would be on the other side of that decision. 

This tarot reader didn’t tell me what to do, but assured me that staying true to my path would never lead me astray.

I asked her, “What am I moving towards, anyway? If I let go, what am I letting go into?”

She cackled, “I don’t know! Nobody knows. But when God calls you just go.”

–

Whatever you’re practicing, 

whatever you’re letting go of,

whatever you’re being called to…

I hope you heed the call. Just go forward, continually letting go of what's not meant to journey along with you, and have faith that you’ll be held in the end.

xo, Carly